The Legend Of Billie Jean (1985)

While we're on the subject of cheesey endings, I give you 1985's The Legend Of Billie Jean. In case you don't recall, Binx notices a snowmobile as he's walking out of a ski lodge to which he exclaims, "Far out!" As if they were trying to say, "Here we go again, wink, wink." Now maybe it's just me but I always thought this was a setup for a sequel where Billie Jean battles hillbillys in the mountains of Vermont after they trash Binx's snowmobile. Yeah, it was definitely just me.

Aside from the ending and the dated music, although Benatar's track is still powerful, the movie holds up pretty well today. At its core, it's a solid outlaw western updated to the 1980's. Add to that some Joan of Arc references and a strong leading lady thanks to a top-notch performance by Helen Slater.

Cloak & Dagger (1984)

Man, talk about a wordy movie poster. I guess if the image from the movie plus two taglines just doesn't cut it, print the entire plot summary in multiple paragraphs right next to the star's head! Clearly the studio execs want you to know exactly what you're getting yourself into.

Cloak & Dagger encompasses what all 80's flicks of its kind were all about: throwing kids into dangerous situations. At the same time, it manages to tackle the video game craze, Dabney Coleman in dual-roles, harrowing chase scenes, Elderly undercover spies, and all the while badass Henry Thomas commanding a great lead.

And now a word on that horrible ending. In one brief moment, they single-handedly reduced an otherwise solid spy-thriller to some cheesey father-son relationship propaganda bullsheezy. "You're my real hero Dad!"

Fortress (1986)

HBO has a long history of producing some amazing films and this post-Ozploitation piece is no exception. I can remember first watching it with my cousin while sleeping over my grandmother's house and being scared shitless. Because this story could happen anywhere, any time. And apparently it did. For real.

Part survival adventure, part Lord Of The Flies descent, it remains one the most visceral, haunting, and at the same time empowering movies ever made about teachers and students.

Back from a long hiatus

I can't believe it's really been over a year since I last posted a review on here. I guess the problem I had was that it was difficult to write about movies that I hadn't seen recently, let alone since I was a little kidiot.

Luckily I managed to get a blu-ray dvd player with network capabilities and can now stream movies from both netflix and youtube! If I had this technology when I was younger I never would have left the house. Funny thing is, now that I'm married, I never leave the house. Bring on the movies!

Red Dawn (1984)

As a tribute to the late Patrick Swayze, I decided to watch what I consider to be one of his best movies this weekend. As the backbone to the whole film, Jed is the older brother that you always wish you had, especially fighting on your side against a Russian/Cuban invasion.

There's a funny story that goes with my first time seeing this film as a kid. I was over a friends house who lived down the street from me when it came on HBO one late afternoon. That opening scene when the Russians parachute down at the school and start attacking really freaked me out. You see some random student shot in the head by the window. Anyways, I got so absorbed in the movie that I totally lose track of time and when it finished it was dark outside and I was in deep ass trouble. I started walking home and saw my parents in the street looking for me. My ass was grounded for a while after that but............it was worth it. WOLVERINES!!!

Space Camp (1986)

Explorers did a good job of showing kids' interest in space exploration through building their own spaceship, flying to outer space, and getting drunk with aliens. But obviously it wasn't good enough. Which is why we had the "shove it down your throat" approach to 1986's Space Camp. I mean could you be anymore blatantly obvious?

Aside from that, the movie is a lot of fun and features 3 of my top 10 favorite ladies of the 80's: Kate Capshaw, Kelly Preston and Lea Thompson. Plus its got a robot sidekick. And a young Joaquin Phoenix. And that gay black dude from Revenge Of The Nerds.

Explorers (1985)

The whole alien obsession of the 80's was due in part to the whole space exploration craze going on (sort of like how the unicorn craze caused an obsession with the group Tangerine Dream......okay maybe that was just me). But what better way to celebrate that craze than to make a movie about a group of kids who build their own spaceship? Goofball director Joe Dante was certainly up for the challenge.

I just want to take a moment and reflect on child actor Jason Presson. I mean I feel really bad for this guy. River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke went on to be big stars and poor Jason got the shaft. His only other breakthrough role was playing "Alex The Yogurt Jerk" in Gremlins 2.