Red Dawn (1984)

As a tribute to the late Patrick Swayze, I decided to watch what I consider to be one of his best movies this weekend. As the backbone to the whole film, Jed is the older brother that you always wish you had, especially fighting on your side against a Russian/Cuban invasion.

There's a funny story that goes with my first time seeing this film as a kid. I was over a friends house who lived down the street from me when it came on HBO one late afternoon. That opening scene when the Russians parachute down at the school and start attacking really freaked me out. You see some random student shot in the head by the window. Anyways, I got so absorbed in the movie that I totally lose track of time and when it finished it was dark outside and I was in deep ass trouble. I started walking home and saw my parents in the street looking for me. My ass was grounded for a while after that but............it was worth it. WOLVERINES!!!

Space Camp (1986)

Explorers did a good job of showing kids' interest in space exploration through building their own spaceship, flying to outer space, and getting drunk with aliens. But obviously it wasn't good enough. Which is why we had the "shove it down your throat" approach to 1986's Space Camp. I mean could you be anymore blatantly obvious?

Aside from that, the movie is a lot of fun and features 3 of my top 10 favorite ladies of the 80's: Kate Capshaw, Kelly Preston and Lea Thompson. Plus its got a robot sidekick. And a young Joaquin Phoenix. And that gay black dude from Revenge Of The Nerds.

Explorers (1985)

The whole alien obsession of the 80's was due in part to the whole space exploration craze going on (sort of like how the unicorn craze caused an obsession with the group Tangerine Dream......okay maybe that was just me). But what better way to celebrate that craze than to make a movie about a group of kids who build their own spaceship? Goofball director Joe Dante was certainly up for the challenge.

I just want to take a moment and reflect on child actor Jason Presson. I mean I feel really bad for this guy. River Phoenix and Ethan Hawke went on to be big stars and poor Jason got the shaft. His only other breakthrough role was playing "Alex The Yogurt Jerk" in Gremlins 2.

Cocoon (1985)

I'd like to change gears here a bit and get back to an overused 80's movie obsession: aliens. Only this time instead of aliens befriending a young boy to help them get home, it's a bunch of old people and dorky ass Steve Guttenburg. A swimming pool becomes a fountain of youth thanks to the alien cocoons, but as the old folks regain their health, the aliens get the life drained out of them.

Watching this movie again for the first time since my youth, Steve Guttenburg damn near drained the life out of me. His goofy antics and horribly bad jokes really put a damper on the film. However Ron Howard's tight direction and the rest of the cast luckily make up for it. Wilferd Brimley's heart-to-heart fishing scene with D.A.R.Y.L. is pure movie magic.

Now Steve, get the hell out of my pool.

BMX Bandits (1983)

When looking up movies directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith I was reminded of 1983's BMX Bandits starring Nicole Kidman in one of her first roles. During the big unicorn and video game crazes of that time period, there was also a huge street bike craze going on. On my block, Mongooses, Diamondbacks, and Dynos ruled the streets. Yet my sorry ass never got one. I had to settle for a Huffy Street-Heat from Bradlees that was clearly no match for those beasts. So sad.

This movie celebrates all the little nuances of street bike culture for kids, even the opening credits plays like some dated bmx promo vid. It also does a good job of making grown-ups look like idiots and of course the bandits are the heroes that save the day. Aside from the silly action sequences, it's a great little flick.

The Quest (1986)

Finishing out the Foreign-made section is an Australian flick from director Brian Trenchard-Smith. This time we find Henry Thomas being taken full advantage for his E.T. star power. I mean, the original movie poster even mentions this in case people needed reminding. Not only that but it goes on with a personal invitation from Thomas himself to go see this movie. Talk about pressure.

The movie does a good job in convincing little kidiots that the backhoe machine at the bottom of a pond is actually a Loch Ness type monster aka "donkegine." Pretty damn clever I must admit. And when I was a little kidiot, it scared the crap out of me.

After months of envying a friend of mine for possessing a VHS copy of this flick, I managed to find a copy at the Good Will for 2 dollars. Zing!

The Peanut Butter Solution (1985)

Another Canadian import that needs no introduction, this was that movie that lurked somewhere deep in your memory but seemed far too bizarre to be an actual movie. More like a dream. Apparently a lot of people my age share the same sentiment about it, probably because it was never released on DVD.........yet.

Bonus points if you remember that scene when the Chinese kid puts the solution on his balls and then has pubes growing out his pant legs. Only in the 80's.

The Dog Who Stopped The War (1984)

Staying on the subject of foreign-made family films, I give you the French Canadian import The Dog Who Stopped The War (La Guerre Des Tuques). If ever there was a movie that celebrated being a kid and playing in the snow, this is it. That snow fort was huuuuuuge. I had always wanted to go out and build one just like it, but always got tired and settled for a little wall. That fell over. Minutes later.

The English dubbing makes for some classic funny moments, especially with the Chinese kids. Unfortunately there are currently no English dubbed clips available on youtube. Oh well.

Making Contact aka Joey (1985)

Now I can't really confirm that I actually saw this when I was a kid, I watched it recently after finding a VHS copy at my local library and didn't remember any of it. Either way, it's a fun little odd film from director Roland Emmerich, who gave us Stargate and Independence Day.

Being made in Germany, it shares that quirkiness and charm that only foreign-made family films of that time period possess. There's also a lot of silly references to Star Wars, E.T., and Poltergeist sprinkled throughout. At first I thought it was just an homage, but it gets to the point where it's a little too blatantly obvious that they're ripping them off.

Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)

Finishing out the scary movie department (for now) is Ray Bradbury's Something Wicked This Way Comes. Jonathan Pryce was pretty damn scary as Mr. Dark, who terrorizes the two boys and the town. I always thought Jason Robards was a little old to be playing one of the boys' father.

Yes, I know this is a Disney film and really isn't that scary by today's standards. But it is definitely creepy, in that Twighlight Zone sort of way and has great atmosphere.

House Of The Long Shadows (1983)

Thinking back on Poltergeist stirred up memories of this forgotten film, which I would say is the scariest movie I ever saw as a kid. I managed to hunt down a cheap VHS copy on ebay a few years back and finally got to watch it again. It's still just as scary, but now I can appreciate the campyness a lot more. The acting provides a good share of laughs.

I seriously want to know who's idea it was to get Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, and Peter Cushing together to do a horror film in 1983 with Desi Arnaz Jr. as the leading man? Sounds like a joke.

Poltergeist (1982)

The first time I watched Poltergeist was one hot, humid summer night around '84 or '85. My older sister and I were sitting on my parent's bed with our eyes glued to the tv. The volume was up pretty high to compensate for the noise coming from the air conditioning unit in the window. To this day that music used throughout with the "la la la......lala lala" still takes me back to that night.

Don't be fooled, this is a Steven Spielberg movie through and through. The production, acting, and special effects are all top notch. Despite traumatizing me as a kid, it still ranks amongst my favorite horror movies of all time.

Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (1971)

Another 70's movie that got a lot of airplay on tv in the early 80's and also got a lot of kids fiending for candy. I was one of them. I can remember begging my father to make frequent stops at "the candy store" (which was really just a convenience store, but with a pretty decent sized candy section) where I would indulge in sugary evils like gobstoppers, bottlecaps, fun dip, nerds, bonkers, now & laters, bazooka joe gum, sugar daddys, swedish fish, and countless others.

One scene that needs to be mentioned is that freaky ass boat ride scene where it seemed like they ate some candy laced with LSD. Then they start seeing stuff like eyeballs and chicken's heads getting chopped off...............isn't this a kid's movie? You gotta love it.

My Favorite Ladies Of The 80's

I think it's about time I pay tribute to the actresses who made those 80's flicks even more enjoyable. Mainly because they made a young boy feel all weird inside and yet I was too young to know why. It was love. Here are my top 5:

1) Kate Capshaw

Credentials: Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom, Dreamscape, Space Camp



2) Tanya Roberts

Credentials: The Beastmaster, Sheena



3) Diane Lane

Credentials: The Outsiders, Rumble Fish, Streets Of Fire



4) Olivia d'Abo

Credentials: Conan The Destroyer



5) Barbara Carrera

Credentials: Never Say Never Again, Lone Wolf McQuade



Honorable mentions: Ellen Barkin, Kelly Preston, Phoebe Cates, Lea Thompson, and Mia Sara

Legend (1985)

Ridley Scott cashed in on the big unicorn craze of the early 80's (was there really a unicorn craze? I think I just made that up) with this film. Everything is lovely in fairytale land until ghouls show up and chop the corn off of this one unicorn. Then it turns winter in 0.2 seconds and Tom Cruise gets trapped underneath a frozen river.

Ferris Bueller's girlfriend gets captured by the Prince of Darkness (think Hellboy on roids but with the big horns) and it's up to Tom to save her and the unicorns and the world and the galaxy and the existence of eternal eternity.

All joking aside this movie rocks. Plus it has an amazing score by Tangerine Dream.

The Last Unicorn (1982)

While we're on the subject of lasts, I just recalled this forgotten cartoon from my childhood. Now I know the movie is about unicorns and unicorns are the gayest of all mythical creatures, but this movie is dark as hell. This ain't no My Little Pony. It's got this evil red bull that kills unicorns. It's got talking skeletons. And a tree with huge breasts.

These breasts were so huge I had to talk about them in a seperate paragraph. There's this scene where the hero gets tied to this tree and his face is stuck right in between them. To this day I still wonder how a G rated cartoon was able to get away with that.

The Last Starfighter (1984)

Just watched it this past weekend upon returning from a Bachelor Party with quite a few beers in me. This movie is just as great as I remembered. Awesome concept. An arcade game turns out to be a recruiting station for "starfighters" desperately needed to protect the galaxy from an invasion.

You could tell they were trying to ride on Star Wars' coat tails a little while also cashing in on the arcade craze and to do both in one movie is pretty damn impressive. Mind you, this was also the first movie to have all special effects shots done on computer.

It was pretty funny to see everyone come running to witness Alex beating the record score on the arcade game. But then again, it's a trailer park. There's not a lot of exciting shit going on there.

Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)

You're going to find a lot of movies in this blog with me saying "this movie freaked me the f- out" or "this scene scared the crap out of me." This film is no exception. I can remember watching this late at night with my father and that opening scene when Dan Aykroyd says "You wanna see something really scary?" Then he turns into this freaky ass zombie monster and attacks Albert Brooks. Let's just say I did not sleep too well that night. Nor did I sleep with dry pajamas.

This movie is an amazing collaboration between directors at the top of their game, most notably Joe Dante who went on to make such classics as "Gremlins" and "The 'burbs." His segment about a boy's imagination wreaking havoc on his family and a kind woman is what I always loved best about this movie. It's one of the most twisted yet funny pieces of cinema I have ever seen.

Plus how could you not love a movie that begins and ends with Creedence?

The Outsiders (1983)

The one thing that sticks out the most in my memory of The Outsiders is that Stevie Wonder song "Stay Gold" and the main title sequence. It just makes you feel all warm inside. Unfortunately for the Special Edition DVD, Coppola omitted this song as well as the moody score in favor of rock and roll jams of the time period. As much as I respect Coppola, it really ruins the movie for me. Trust me, if you're gonna buy the DVD, stick with the original version.

As a kid, my favorite Outsider was Emilio Estevez as Two-Bit. He was the perfect combination of funny and cool. His weapon of choice was a butterfly knife. He rocked a Mickey Mouse T-shirt with a leather jacket. He had beer and chocolate cake for breakfast. Seriously, how cool is that?

Watership Down (1978)

This was the first movie that really scared the crap out of me as a kid and the fact that it was a cartoon made it even worse. Because you weren't expecting it to be that intense.

From the opening scene when one of the rabbits starts wigging out repeating over and over again, "there's a dog loose in the wood," you know this movie is headed to a dark place. From then on it gets violent as hell, I mean rabbits scratching each other bloody, dogs ripping them to shreds, there's even a scene where a rabbit gets blasted with a shotgun.

That being said, I've come to really appreciate this film as an adult and I think it's one of the best animated features of all time.

The Adventures Of The Wilderness Family (1975)

Despite being released in the 70's, this movie played a lot on TV during the early 80's along with it's two sequels: "The Further Adventures..." and "Mountain Family Robinson." All three movies pretty much featured the same family facing many challenges and dangers living deep in the Colorado Rockies.

Robert Logan plays the father and I think it needs to be said that no one has ever rocked the bubble vest/flannel shirt combo anywhere nearly as good as him.

Treasures Of The Snow (1983)

For years I had only remembered a small scene from this movie but had no idea what it was called. All I rembered was this freaky ass scene where a kid falls off a cliff and everyone thinks he's dead, then his father has to repell down the cliff to find his body. The boy survives the fall but has several broken bones. Another kid is blamed for the fall and becomes an outcast. I tracked this movie down recently and watched it. It actually holds up pretty well. Despite the heavy religious overtones, it's got a great message about guilt and forgiveness. The production is top-notch (filmed on location in the Swiss Alps) and the child actors are excellent.

E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

According to my mother, E.T. was the first movie I saw at a movie theater and it's a story that makes me laugh every time she tells it.

Apparently I was having a great time taking in this new experience of being at the cinema..........until that infamous scene when E.T. pops out of the closet. I started screaming and crying, fell off my seat and hit my head, so my father took me to get some popcorn to calm me down. Of course he buys me the extra large bucket of popcorn which was probably as big as I was and allows me to carry it to our seats. Bad idea. Half way down the isle I dropped the bucket and sent popcorn flying everywhere. I start crying again. My father takes me back to get the bucket refilled (crying kids always get free popcorn) and I enjoyed the rest of the movie without further incident.

Return Of The Jedi (1983)

I was going to start the blog off with Star Wars, since I mentioned it in my introduction, but I don't recall ever watching it as a youngin'. Return Of The Jedi was my introduction to the franchise and to this day it's still my favorite in the series. Why? Because Luke finally gets to kick some ass that's why. All that training has finally paid off and it's time to see it in action. He is now a badass Jedi and leaves all that whining and insecurity far behind. Plus it's got Ewoks. And Jabba the Hut. And that pit that looks like a vagina. 'Nuff said.

Introduction

I was born in 1978. Which made the early to mid 1980's my formidable years. A good portion of this time was spent sitting (probably Indian-style) in front of the old mahogany cabinet-style television in our living room (or family room, anyone know the difference?). It was there that countless movies passed through my mind and left their mark in some way, shape or form. HBO was a godsend for kids in the 80's, this was before all the parental controls you have for cable and satellite today. Back then at any given time of day, rated R movies were shown which exposed us to questionable scenes of violence, nudity and bad language. The only parental control we knew of was after said scene, Mom or Dad would get up, utter those classic words: "you shouldn't be watching this" and change the channel. But by then the damage was done. Believe me, the scars are still healing to this day. Here is the intro HBO played immediately before a feature started. Watching it at night always gave me chills for some reason. The early to mid 1980's was the golden age of the "family film" with countless studios producing quality pictures aimed at a new and prophitable demographic. Star Wars and E.T. paved the way for these films and as the decade rolled on the flood gates were opened. These films tapped into our collective imaginations using themes of science fiction and fantasy and challenged us with valuable lessons about life. This blog is a chronicle of the films that I remember watching during that time period that had some impact on me, to the point where they still linger somewhere in the deep recesses of my memory. I will post them as they come to mind, some may take days, weeks or months to dig up. Most of these films still hold up very well today (aside from the godawful dated soundtracks) and are worth checking out even just for nostalgic purposes. It is worth noting that a good number of these films are still unavailable on DVD, and while the original VHS copy can get fairly pricey on ebay, there are other ways to get access to them. Youtube is now posting some of them (in sections or as a whole) and for diehard fans, there may be a VHS copy lurking at your local library or Goodwill store.